Tag Archives: positive

Easier said than done

I feel as if people always tell me, “you just need to relax.” What they don’t realize is how difficult this is for someone suffering from anxiety. It isn’t just done in one simple step. There are hundreds of steps some of us have to go through to get to a point of relaxation. A point of where we feel like we are sane again. My anxiety hits me hardest at night before I go to bed. I will be watching a show before bed and BAM I can’t breathe. My heart starts racing and my mind thinks of awful scenarios. I always think the worst is going to happen. I’m not sure why God gave me this disorder. Maybe because he thought I can fight through it. It is a constant battle everyday, but some days are better than others. I can go weeks without having an attack then out of no where one will hit me.

I go through all these thoughts in my head to calm myself. The “it’s okay” and “it’s only in my head” thoughts. The basic ones any anxiety sufferer knows of. Working out used to calm me down but recently it’s made it worse. Deep breathing has also failed miserably these past few weeks. When the attacks hit me before bed I have realized tickling my arm helps calm me. Weird, I know, but that is something my grandparents and mom have always done growing up. It puts me right to sleep. I never thought doing it to myself would actually work but I’ve been desperate. If I could hire my own personal arm tickler I definetly would (I wonder if any exist). If anywhere in the future I get filthy rich you better believe this is the first thing I will pay for before a house or a new car.

I am in the midst if discovering steps I need to take to calm my mind and recover from my disorder. I know that it will always be there and can pop up at any moment, but I want to lessen the effects it has on my mind. Plus, long term anxiety can have major effects on physical health. If people believe this is only mental it isn’t. It causes plenty of underlying health problems. If those can be avoided I will do anything to do so. Recently cutting out plenty processed foods out of my diet and beginning a fitness challenge soon. I’m hoping focuses my goals a positive way will help me on my journey. I want to be a healthy human being mind, body, and spirit. It all begins with some steps in the right direction and I think I have made mine.


Nighttime Thoughts

Why is it that at night our minds seem to go through every event that has ever happened? It’s only when we lay down to relax that this happens. Each night it’s a fight with my own mind to try and ignore all the scenarios and fall asleep. All I can think about is I should have done this and maybe he wouldn’t have left, or if I said this it could have made a difference. There is no going back to change what has happened so I am learning to accept life as it is and move on. Even if these nighttime thoughts make it hard to do, I am going to try and overcome the negative thoughts and turn them positive. Maybe once I begin my meditation tonight it will help me falling asleep. A positive life is a hard thing to have when surrounded by so much negativity. Will it be worth it? That is a question that the only answer I tell myself is,”I sure hope so.” I have realized that writing down all my thoughts actually help me realize my goals and what I need to be focused on. I am also hoping to open up and explore my mind on this blog so that I will be able to do it in person eventually. I have always been the girl to hold her feelings in to make others happy and not come off how every other girl acts, but maybe it would be a good thing.