I feel as if people always tell me, “you just need to relax.” What they don’t realize is how difficult this is for someone suffering from anxiety. It isn’t just done in one simple step. There are hundreds of steps some of us have to go through to get to a point of relaxation. A point of where we feel like we are sane again. My anxiety hits me hardest at night before I go to bed. I will be watching a show before bed and BAM I can’t breathe. My heart starts racing and my mind thinks of awful scenarios. I always think the worst is going to happen. I’m not sure why God gave me this disorder. Maybe because he thought I can fight through it. It is a constant battle everyday, but some days are better than others. I can go weeks without having an attack then out of no where one will hit me.
I go through all these thoughts in my head to calm myself. The “it’s okay” and “it’s only in my head” thoughts. The basic ones any anxiety sufferer knows of. Working out used to calm me down but recently it’s made it worse. Deep breathing has also failed miserably these past few weeks. When the attacks hit me before bed I have realized tickling my arm helps calm me. Weird, I know, but that is something my grandparents and mom have always done growing up. It puts me right to sleep. I never thought doing it to myself would actually work but I’ve been desperate. If I could hire my own personal arm tickler I definetly would (I wonder if any exist). If anywhere in the future I get filthy rich you better believe this is the first thing I will pay for before a house or a new car.
I am in the midst if discovering steps I need to take to calm my mind and recover from my disorder. I know that it will always be there and can pop up at any moment, but I want to lessen the effects it has on my mind. Plus, long term anxiety can have major effects on physical health. If people believe this is only mental it isn’t. It causes plenty of underlying health problems. If those can be avoided I will do anything to do so. Recently cutting out plenty processed foods out of my diet and beginning a fitness challenge soon. I’m hoping focuses my goals a positive way will help me on my journey. I want to be a healthy human being mind, body, and spirit. It all begins with some steps in the right direction and I think I have made mine.